Dane of the Waking Universe

Talk is often cheap and filled with air

2011-10-04T16:28:00.003-04:00

Everything's a big deal and nothing matters.

Current fling: Trust me, I'm not nearly as happy as I come off. Give it a few months.

Ex-girlfriends: Stop bothering me. I just don't give a shit. I'm sorry I was an asshole, or whatever.

Ex-wife: You're apparently karma-proof. Congratulations. Enjoy your new mid-senior level job and new house. I just deferred my college loans. Again.

Friends: Let's just have fun. I want to drink with you and laugh with you. I don't want to talk about my shitty life. I don't want you to judge me, and I don't care to judge you.

Family: I love you all more than anything you could ever understand.

Facebook: Why in the holy fuck have I not deleted you yet? Narcissism is a heavy load to bear.

Government: You're scared because you know we don't need you anymore.

Job: Stop overworking me and underpaying me. I'm good at what I do. eh fuck it, nevermind.

Mom: Miss you.

Obama: Thanks for nothing, asshole.

Everything matters and no one cares.

2009-05-18T20:50:00.006-04:00

An update for those concerned:

1. Done with school; Academia can suck it.
2. Finally got a netbook - a Dell Mini 9 to be exact; I opted for Linux as opposed to Windows XP, and I am happy with my decision.
3. Reading Lord of the Rings; haven't since I was but a child.

Blessings

Oh dear, can't you see? It's them, it's not me.

2009-04-19T13:50:00.005-04:00

I recently patronized a local record store called Gem City Records. If you happen to live in Dayton, do visit this store. I've been there a few times, but I've never had the time to browse their complete record selection until of late. And what a collection it is. I picked up a few LPs:

They sound beautiful. Nothing beats vinyl.

Nothing.

Blessings

The Dark Crystal

2009-04-08T22:30:00.005-04:00

Jim Henson gave us many exceptional pieces of art, fantasy and comedy, including Muppets, Fraggles, Yoda, Sesame Street, The Dinosaurs, and The Labyrinth, among others. Anyone who grew up in the 70s, 80s or 90s has undoubtedly been significantly impacted by at least one of Henson's creations. Henson completely revolutionized the art of puppetry and animatronics, and almost single-handedly reinvented children's entertainment. Wiki him sometime, and you'll understand.

One of his lesser-known films, The Dark Crystal, is an epic masterpiece both in storytelling and film technology. This was Henson's passion project. Word on the street is that the Blu-ray edition of this fantastic film will be released this summer. Of course, Sony has been saying that every year since 2006. What will become of my desire to view my favorite movie in high-definition? Only time will tell.

Blessings

What is thy Christian name, dear boy?

2009-03-31T00:09:00.006-04:00

It occurred to me the other day that I don't have a Christian name. I was watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, and a certain scene stood out during this viewing. When Dr. Floyd arrives at the space station, he is asked to verify his identity using the Voiceprint Identification computer. The computer asks him for his full name, surname first, Christian name and initial.

My name is Dane. Despite what baby name books and websites tell you, "Dane" has no Hebrew, biblical or Christian meaning. It literally means, "person from Denmark."

I am not from Denmark, nor am I from the popular 1980s TV miniseries "The Thorn Birds."

Therefore, I hereby declare my secession from society!

Blessings

To the Wretched: Your life is asunder! Let it go!

2009-03-23T00:12:00.009-04:00

Education is a delicate perplexity of our churning, grinding society. Every time I open a book for educational purposes, I get the same feeling one gets when one enters a Wal-Mart, or watches C-SPAN, or goes to church.

It's not that I don't understand the purpose of higher education or that I am lazy and don't like to apply myself. Rather, I hate that education has become a kind of status symbol - a life-defining decision to which all other decisions must be compared. A college degree is nothing more than a piece of paper that acts as a corporate escalator, allowing degree-holders to wander, like a good little zombie, into a fluffy, boring American life. A life full of debt, divorce and sadness.

And yet, here I stand, 50 days away from a degree. A small, society-hating part of me wants to stop right now and never complete my program, just to show Academia who's boss. Take that, you filthy bastards!

Blessings

So let it be kitten, so let it be done:

Episode IV: A New Home

2009-03-18T13:39:00.009-04:00

I now live in the heart of the Gem City, in a downtown high-rise apartment, near the river. It is a beautiful building from the 1920s, complete with marble, granite and brick...it even has a few Gargoyles. The apartment is almost three times the size of our previous suburban flat. In retrospect, I am not entirely certain how two people could possibly survive for almost two years in a 500 sq. ft. apartment. Ikea makes it looks so easy. This is my 17 sq. ft. home. Give me a fuckinbreak. We bought Ikea shelving, a TV stand and a towel rack...Nope, still a tiny apartment. We're lucky we didn't run out of oxygen.

Blessings

To the tired: Your lost soul has been found!

2009-03-12T02:18:00.005-04:00

This blog has been silent for a while. I have been quite busy and haven't felt the need to waste time on the Internet. However, the need has returned, and it must be nourished, lest I go hungry!

Much has happened, dear reader, in the past few months, and much is yet to change. Soon I will be living in the city; the spoils of suburbia have turned me into a monster! I find myself craving Cinnabons and watching The Learning Chanel...I've even been on a diet! What tomfoolery is this! City life will either ground me or inflate my ego immensely. Time will tell.

Other happenings: I sold my awful Honda scooter to an overly-enthusiastic retiree, lost 30 pounds, applied for grad school, and developed a strange addiction to saltine crackers.

Blessings

To the Patriarch, I forgive you!

2008-10-07T18:27:00.003-04:00

Ha! This blog exists because I say it exists! If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The undeniable answer is yes, my friends!

Believe!

Theretofore, exist! And be blessed...

2008-09-29T14:55:00.003-04:00

My darlings, in this day of stock market monkeyshines, gas shortages (Peak Oil!), and political poppycock, I find myself at odds with the times. Therefore, I shall build a time machine; not to visit the past, but to retreat to the future! I wish to skip to the year 2162, an age of wonder and enchantment. I have seen Back To The Future and I know how this works. Visiting the future is not nearly as hazardous or risky as visiting the past, as the latter can result in history-changing disasters, also known as the Butterfly Effect. Visiting the future is akin to going on holiday on a deserted, uncharted island: zero responsibility. You can fuck up all you want, confiding in the fact that nothing will change.

Build me this Time Traveling Device, I say
Embark on a journey, with little dismay!

Blessings

Feed Honda to the fishes

2008-09-22T15:21:00.005-04:00

I have decided to sell my scooter. It's a Honda Elite with only 206 miles on it, so clearly, I have ridden it into the ground. The damn thing never starts. I've already had it "fixed" 3 times, but in light of the scooter's recent performance, I am assuming that all the mechanic does is pour Gatorade into the gas tank. You hear stories all the time about how people get hundreds of thousands of miles out of their Hondas. I guess I got the runt of the litter. I'm boycotting Honda.

In related news, I hate old people. I am what you might call an "ageist" - one who is prejudiced against people because of their age. Get a job, old man! Contribute to society! Stop looking at me in those huge sunglasses! I can still see your cats ("cats" is a term oldies endearingly use to describe their cataracts).

Say, let's put all the old people on cruise liners and send them out to sea. Forever. I mean.

Blessings

everybody thinks I'm a raincloud

2008-09-21T17:37:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the Waking Universe. The title is taken from a song by Guided By Voices, an awesome, now-defunct band from the Gem City, from which I also hail.

No one knows why it is called the Gem City. Perhaps there was a great battle here many thousands of years ago over a large gemstone. Anyway, the Gem City holds true to it's name: shiny and pointy and void of any true value (superficially desirable).

I am Dane of the Waking Universe, and this is my personal account of the findings of life. Alongside me is my cat. She is also of the Waking Universe, but it doesn't matter because she couldn't care less. She is a cat, after all.

The Universe must be protected! All hail the Waking Universe!

Here is a picture of my cat so that you are better able to adore and covet:

Blessings